Average Videos for Average People
Everyone knows that if you browse the web for long enough, you’ll see some bad stuff, unless you have an IQ over 50. Then probably not, but y’know… but one thing that will likely never cross my mind again is a website called “averagevideosforaveragepeople.com”.
The average thing about it was that I found it online. It looked stupid, as if it was a website that was made in like two minutes. The author had an EXTREME grasp on english. On the front page was a long rant with something about a “masterpiece”, “Furry haters”, and “the absolute subjugation of the internet itself”.
The website had a straight up FUNKY tagline, one that people to this day can’t figure out:
''"Average Videos for Average People, A Website Dedicated To The Eradication Of Videos That Have Absolutely No Rhyme Or Reason To Exist In This Story"''
From the sound of it, I wasn’t sure if I was here to watch videos or if I had stumbled across some sort of video creation program. But if that’s the case, I don’t care, I’m cool wit dat. I continued on, and noticed every word was it’s own hyperrealisticlink.
I clicked on one, and was sent to a list of links that looked like this:
“averagevideosforaveragepeople.com/(unpremeditated characters in the english language)”
I didn’t want to get viruses (which is why I went to this obscure website that I’ve never heard of). But when I clicked on the third link, a download for a video called “nut.avi”. It was a thirty-minute video of a man making a sandwich. He kept slipping on spilled peanut butter and dropping the bread. Eventually he was finished, and he was about to eat it, until a pink, stubby hand reached in and stole it.
I know what you’re thinking: “What does this have to do with videos?” I don’t know. Why? Well, um...
After this video played, I went on a NONSPECIFIC FORUM and saw a thread about this very subject. We chatted about dirty jokes and peanut butter for a while, then we talked about the videos. Most of them were just people talking about Sonic.exe, and the people in the videos were PRETTTTTYYYYYY. Some of them are worth mentioning though, so heres some descriptions:
cleanedclean.avi
A ten-minute video filmed by Mutahar from SomeOrdinaryGamers of a man smashing a washing machine for 7 minutes. After he leaves, a man comes in, sighs, and then that same stubby hand reaches in and fixes the machine. The man celebrates for 2 minutes.
macho.avi
A five-minute video of a suave mime doin’ his thang. He’s pretty hilarious, because he’s FAT FUNNY FAT. This goes on for 4 minutes, and then he turns into an ogre and utters “EVOL SI KERHS.”
die,annie.avi
A four-minute video of Annie from League of Legends being asked questions by the cameraman. She nevers says where the are, though I was pretty sure it Twisted Treeline, which is pretty scary on its own.
I only noticed this when it was pointed out on the thread, but if you look deep into the woods, you can see Vel’kos using his Ult.
whatthehecksika.avi
Another four-minute interview video. The woman looked like a crappy fan-troll. The streets were purple, and there was a big chain connecting the land to another planet.
No one has been able to identify the place, probably because only, like, two people know about this website.
itsatie.avi
A ten-minute video of an elderly woman kissing a Nintendo 64 controller, with Mario Kart 64 on the T.V. The race ends in a tie, and then she punches the T.V. and it shatters!
Then she walks away, and the video ends.
stubby.avi
A four-minute long video of a man with ten limbs DOMINATING at DDR. He asks the man off screen to raise the difficulty. He becomes TERRIFYINGLY CALM and says “I can’t, sorry,” so the man just continues. The person begins to ask him about his favorite creepypastas when the video ends abrubtly.
paparazzi.avi
The woman from whatthehecksika.avi is playing GMod on her Lenovo Laptop. The man from stubby.avi is walking around with Shrek cosplay. The door on the other side of the room is now open, and you can see the owner of the stubby hand silhouetted inside the hallway.
And finally, the last random vid we uncovered:
PATRIXXX.avi
One of the women from the previous videos is tied down to a pig, as she talks about her favorite DIDNY WORL rides. A man opens the door, and a large pink figure walks in. It uses MIND BALL OF MAS DESTRUCSHUN and KILLS HER. REEEEAAAAAALLLLLIIIIISSSSTTTTTIIIIIICCCCC BLOOD spills out of her for an hour until the video ends.
The thread bangitty BOOMED with activity after these thangs were uncovered. Turns out the thread about the website was deleted! I was like “WHAT” so I made a new thread. I was promptly BANNED from the forum. Due to this I tried making one on every blog in the universe(AKA New Jersey), and I was BANNED AGAIN.
The only evidence it existed were some fake screenshots made in Photoshop.
What ever kind of video it is, they all get deleted after a while so you won’t know that this website never existed and I just made it up for the sake of the story.
BTW: THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED I SWEAR!